Dreaming of the "could have beens"

As I sit at my desk this morning, my mind is full of thoughts about things that could have been.Over the past few years friends have come and gone, hair colors have changed and locations too! Jobs, men, diets - all flashing by me today. I wonder sometimes about life and God, and why things happen the way that they do. Why I was born with an insatiable appetite for food, love and life. Oh, and also shopping. "I have enough dresses!" I said NEVER.

Anyway, the reason for this post is to wander through my thoughts and why I feel the need to long for other things. I spoke with a good friends mother the other night who is so wonderful and shares the same appetite I do for travel. I was supposed to visit her daughter in Asia this month, but I went the practical route and decided to wait until next year. But I can't help but feel unsettled with my decision. I am a victim of searching friends on Facebook and turning pea green with envy because of the places they are going or the things they do. How ridiculous considering I have done my own fair share of traveling this year!

There has always been the saying "the grass is greener" but when (and how) do people arrive at the idea that their grass is the best? I don't want to miss out on my life because I am flying here or there and just snapping pictures of things to say I've been there (I do know people who do this, what a waste.) My mother always tells me "Lacy, you're young, you have your whole life ahead of you to travel!" Mom, I love you but I want to do it all and the sooner the better!

So I am trying to relax because the Squid and I have a wonderfully fulfilling life that keeps us running from life experience to experience (it just isn't Amsterdam to Chile.) I think the bigger problem is that for the first time ever my life is feeling settled, and I am feeling restless. I am not traveling for work or having 80 hour work weeks any longer. The routine after work HH isn't necessary anymore. BUT, I have a wonderful new job that is challenging me in new ways, I am able to be productive in my spare time (I am finally learning how to sew) and I AM GETTING MARRIED! What do I have to complain about? I have been struggling to get into a comfortable groove with life these days. How does my sister do it? She is the Queen of nesting and I can't seem to sit still.

So I welcome any ideas, thoughts, remedies, medication (just kidding, but seriously) that can curb my appetite for the "other stuff." Well, I know that my journey will begin once I have the courage to open my eyes.